


"This, too, is greater than the both of us"

by tyanite



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Bunker, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Men of Letters Bunker, Possessed Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 13:33:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2271630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyanite/pseuds/tyanite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All an Angel like Castiel or Gadreel can hope for is forgiveness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"This, too, is greater than the both of us"

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, a short, un-beta'd conversation that I think should have happened between two characters who are the only ones who can get where they are both coming from. Also my attempt to close a gap in Gadreel's Logic from season 9. 
> 
> Whups. Hope you like pointless Emo-Vomit!
> 
> More of that S9 AU where Cas isn't kicked out!

Gadreel felt guilty. He was very good at feeling guilty, he had made quite a career out of it. But right now he was feeling guilty about his own feelings.

He had no right to mistrust Castiel. Sure, he had gotten himself an eternity imprisonment for trusting the wrong Angel, but he knew from Sam’s memories that Castiel was Good. A bad angel maybe, and a terrible human, but he was Good. The kind of Good that hummed from every pore of God’s creations.

But still, Gadreel couldn’t bring himself to relax. Castiel’s presence—even through the filter of Sam’s consciousness— was enough to set him on edge. The added stress did nothing to help him heal Sam or himself, all Gadreel could do was sink further into Sam Winchester and hiss until Castiel was gone.

It was stupid, it was entirely stupid, but when one had suffered as many years of torture and imprisonment as Gadreel had, paranoia was the saner option. At least Dean had agreed not to say a thing about him to Castiel, but Gadreel couldn’t fully trust him either. His only trump card was Sam, whose health Gadreel could hold hostage. He hoped that would be enough.

Gadreel wasn’t entirely certain why he did it but he spoke to Castiel one night. Sam had gone to sleep and Gadreel tucked him safely into a good, peaceful and deep dream. Then he crept out of Sam’s room.

 Castiel was still at the table, reading. When Castiel looked up, Gadreel froze and nearly flew back inside Sam Winchester, but then Castiel asked. “Sam? I thought you had gone to sleep?”

“I did,” Gadreel said, trying to calm himself, focusing on sounding believably like Sam. He told himself that Castiel was human now. He couldn’t see the Gadreel’s broken wings, or the halo of grace that marked an occupied vessel. “Shouldn’t you have gone to sleep too?”

Castiel shifted a little and actually looked a little guilty. “I was going to finish translating this text.” He said, gesturing to the large tome in front of him.

Gadreel nodded, taking a deep breath and going forward to sit across from his little brother. Cas—they called him Cas—returned to the text and they fell into a silence that must have been comfortable for Cas. He hummed a little under his breath, so quiet it might’ve been missed but Gadreel knew the song he sung. All angels knew the song.  

“Do you miss it?” Gadreel asked, surprising himself.

Cas froze, his pencil still pressed to the paper. “Miss what?” He asked cautiously.

“Heaven…being an angel,” Gadreel hesitated. “Your grace.”  

Cas looked down and was quiet for so long, Gadreel was certain he wouldn’t answer. But then, quietly, he said, “No, I don’t miss it.”

Gadreel's first reaction was to anger, but also a crushing sense of relief. He was ashamed of how relieved he was when he had fallen to earth, and he had been so happy to be out of heaven. He had thought he was the only one. Gadreel directed his anger inwardly and added it to the endless list of things to feel guilty for.

“You don’t want to go back? To let the angels back?” Gadreel asked, still trying to pretend he was Sam. “I mean, aside from preventing the Angels from fighting and all…do you think they really deserve to be let back in?”

“It's not about whether they deserve Heaven or not.” Cas said, blinking.

“Then what is it about?”

“I’ve got to redeem myself, fix my mistakes.”

Gadreel started.

“What the angels do after I’ve found a way to open heaven again…I don’t really care.” Cas continued. “I just know I need to do something. Repairing the damage I’ve made.”

“But…how?” Gadreel’s voice was so quiet. He had long ago stopped pretending to be Sam Winchester. “Where do you even begin?”

Cas raised his eyes and met Gadreel’s—no, Sam’s, and smiled slightly. “You and Dean are a good place to begin, I think.”

“And then?”

“And then…” Cas’ smile fell a little. “I’ll open heaven again. Even if it costs my life. I’ve got to correct the mistakes I’ve made and hope for redemption.”

Gadreel made a choked noise of pain and Cas’ head snapped up and he looked concerned and it was obvious that Gadreel was in way over his head. But it didn’t stop him from asking one more question. “Why would they ever forgive you, Castiel?”

Castiel looked at him for a long, long time. “They are my family, too.” He said finally, very quietly.

This was almost too much for Gadreel, and he wanted nothing more than to fly to the deepest reaches of Sam’s mind and block everything out. But he had a vessel to take care of, and his own secrecy too, so he mechanically excused himself and returned to Sam’s bedroom.

Gadreel lay down on the bed and curled inside of Sam’s mind, trying to keep his thoughts and feelings from overtaking him. But one thought rang clear, clearer than any Gadreel had experienced in a long, long time. If an Angel like Castiel could still seek redemption and forgiveness from his brothers for his sins, then surely he could too.


End file.
